PM – All In

The Valentine’s weekend has come and gone. I hope everyone had a great time. We had dinner reservations, but…
Okay, well I was half-dressed, with gma already on baby duty, when a frail little voice cried, “mommy, where you going?” Joslyn had the misfortune of getting sick with the stomach bug the night of her birthday and spent the entire day Friday in bed watching movies while running fevers every few hours. So although I tried to explain that this was mommy and daddy’s first date night in a very long time, and we’d be quick…two hours tops. Fat tears rolled down her face as she said, “I don’t want you to go.” Poor Jostle. Instead of breaking my sick baby’s heart, mommy and daddy spent time at home and ordered in. In life, you have to be adaptable to plan changes. It’s less stressful that way. Besides, being needed in such a way reminds me how blessed I am to have these people in my life. Joslyn is doing much better now

On another note, I’ve officially purchased my domain name! I’ve written blogs for the last two years, and recently I kept having this nagging feeling like I was still trying it out. Multiple opportunities sprung up wanting me to make it official, or to further invest in what I’m doing here and I kept holding back. I sensed God asking me, ‘Are you in or out? Because if you’re in this you’ve got to be all in.‘ All right, Lord. I got you.

As of tomorrow, you’ll find me at AStoicLife.com. I will also roll out a new Facebook page to go along with the site. Please do me a favor and like it when you see it on your dash. Thank you all for the support. Now I must commit to my next level. I’m all in! See you tomorrow at AStoicLife.com!!

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PM – The Month of Love

As a part of this year’s focus, I took a cue from the author, Brendan Burchard, to also set goals of self-development. I figured, since it will be emphasized everywhere, this month’s focus is Love. Yes, love. Many people only think about love as being when you’re in a relationship – being in love. And for those who are not in a relationship this month becomes a reminder of their singleness. They either take a stance of being depressed about Valentine’s Day, or a defensive stance, which leads them to boycott or reject all associated with the holiday. Instead of focusing on the one day and one person, let love be an expression of being alive and do things to spread love every day to everyone.

For me, Valentine’s Day wasn’t very important. I couldn’t stand all of the fuss! The stores were covered in red and pink, promoting greeting cards, teddy bears, and chocolates, for what? Okay, well I did like the chocolate. I’ve had to shed my disdain for the holiday being married. My husband always plans for the day more so than our anniversary, I didn’t get it. And after having a couple Valentine’s Days of shopping last minute for his gift only after realizing he’d purchased flowers or some other large purchase (the convenience of having joint accounts), I’d learned to make this holiday a priority since it was for him. I’d be callous to disregard the things he cares about. Showing him the opposite of what I feel for him.

PM – Getting Older

I had a moment to reflect on my life and how grateful I am that it turned out to be the complete opposite of what I’d planned in high school. Those childish ideas were a bit selfish and would have earned me a pretty lonely life. Thinking back there were many things I saw my mother do that I swore I would never do. Now as a mother, I either do the same things she did or understand now why they were done. Look what a little growing up and a change in perspective can do.

I understand how we often reap what we sow, whether good or bad. I see now how life goes in cycles from baby (with its dependency, needing of diapers, and inability to care for oneself)-> adulthood -> elderly person (which in most cases includes all the facets of being a baby). Having finally made peace with the fact that I am in the adult stage of life, I am privileged to witness my mother in the latter third of her life. Growing older as gracefully as she can. She did always know how to make the best of what she had.

Being a woman from another country with minimal education, she made use of her skills as a homemaker and mother in the jobs she acquired. Working night shifts and any other shifts available she gained recognition as an asset and soon got more jobs. Not only working as a nurse’s aid, she also cleaned houses, cooked for people, and still made time to visit sick friends and family. In my childhood eyes, I saw it as my mother always doing something and never being home. But in reality she was a single mother making ends meet and raising children. It takes growing up to finally understand the whys of some things. What I did notice was that my mom was a giver, sometimes to the extent of being taken advantage of, or at least that was how I saw it.

Now I understand the value of giving, and why my mother often gave. It is her generosity and unmatched kindness that is an everlasting testament to who she is at the core. This was how she expressed love. As I sit and think about how the roles have changed, how it is my mother who now needs the mothering as sickness and dementia take their toll in her advanced age. I have become my mother. Fulfilling the societal prediction that women turn into their mothers’ as they get older.

I say, if I can emulate my mother’s virtues, I’d honor her and be a blessing to the world. For I know that all the good she has sown has given favor to her children. I hope to do the same. What’s my take from all of this…when I grow up, I want to be just like my mother.

PM – Sibling Rivalry

 Our family just welcomed our third child, which rounds out our children as being boy, girl, and another boy. I thought of this as the perfect placing setup since every child would have a claim to fame in their birth order. JJ is the oldest. His claim to fame being that he is the firstborn and will always be in that #1 place. Then, my daughter, Joslyn, was born.  No competition there, I thought. One boy, one girl, both unique and significant. But there was a bit of competition. Joslyn was more competitive toward JJ, whether it was games or how much attention each received. She wanted to win. She wanted more. Joslyn didn’t ask. She demanded to be the center of attention. It didn’t matter to her that JJ came first, in her eyes she was #1.

The sibling rivalry was more one sided as JJ never saw her as his competition. Or maybe it was in my eldest son’s demeanor? He’s a bit more laid back than most kids. So he often ignored Joslyn’s jostling for position and seemed content to give his sister the spotlight. And that was the dynamic in our household for six years. Now with the introduction of baby boy Justin, there was a shift. JJ became obsessed with his baby brother, as did many of our relatives. Whilst Joslyn seemed out of sorts.

I started noticing the elements of jealousy in certain things my daughter said. Such as, if I said ‘look at this beautiful baby,’ she’d respond, ‘so I’m not beautiful?’ This and other comments comparing herself to her baby brother when no one else made such a comparison, showed that Joslyn was struggling to find her place in our family…as if it was somehow stolen from her.

Middle Child Syndrome

Joslyn’s place could never be stolen. She needed some reassurance that she’s loved and still just as important as ever before. Just as we had to reaffirm JJ of his importance when Joslyn was born. Each one of our children is a gift from above, special in their own unique way. There is no need for sibling rivalry as no one has higher importance. I’ve  already seen positive changes in this family transition…no more jealous comments and just a happier girl all around.

I don’t believe in middle child syndrome. What I do believe is that we are what we think we are, so I am using my words, actions, and time to reinforce the love I have for each child. With Joslyn specifically, I will continue to redirect any negative self-talk towards the positives, with compliments and life examples. I can’t control what is in her head but I can reiterate the praises I have for her so that it replaces any negatives nonsense.

Above all else I pray that love, joy, and peace abound in our household. I pray for each child’s self-esteem, and that no negative noise from school or other influences cause them to think wrongly about themselves. If I can instill a God-founded level of esteem in each, I know they have a fighting chance to be who God created them to be despite any of life’s challenges.

Personal Moment (PM) – Scheduling

In reviewing this blog and the few personal anecdotes I’ve included here, it brought me to this post Motivation. I surprised myself in seeing how ahead of the game I was then. Now that I’m living it I seemed to have forgotten what I wanted and needed to do.

First, let me give a brief update to that post. That post happened one month before the start of the sequence of events that led me to fulfilling the leaving my job to become a stay at home mom part of the equation. In March of 2015 I discovered I was pregnant with our third child. And so began my course of deleveraging myself from the mountain of work responsibilities. It was when I wanted to reduce my work schedule also that my life shifted into full throttle.

I officially left my corporate stooge job last August. Now, to many, myself and my husband included, this move seemed irrational when faced with a mortgage, other debts, and the expenses associated with a family of 4. And with a new mouth to feed just months from delivery. But there was no other way for me and my husband to see the happenings that surrounded this event other than as a divine shakeup. God was making us uncomfortable to force us to move. And gladly I’ve traded stress, unwarranted pressure, and worry over childcare for a peaceful home life, and the joy and fulfillment of my family and of living on my own terms.

We welcomed our new son, Justin, in December just days before Christmas! And here I am today, with a 1 month old, 6 and 10 year old children, a household to manage, and faced with the challenge of establishing a writing career and securing other income as a stay at home mom. I have some ideas of how to generate additional income (freelance writing opportunities, developing my blog into an income site, other remote computer based opps, etc.), but none of the things I want to get accomplished will get done until I learn how to manage the time in my day.

I need to establish a daily and weekly schedule. I may need to treat my blogging activities and any work related activities as a 9-5 day job. See it was easy to be regimented when adhering to the set work schedule when it was prescribed by someone else, the struggle here is now its me setting the work schedule and me needing to be diligent to stick to it.  Outside of setting working hours for myself, I need to set a schedule for daily household chores, as well as weekly self-development (such as every Wednesday I will set 2-3 hours aside for voice lessons, or I will work out every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday morning).

Realistically, all of this is hypothetical until my newborn is a bit older because right now I am at his beck and call. But I am starting today, first to implement the routine of doing a load of laundry and unpack and reload the dishwasher everyday. As for blogging/writing related tasks, I will work everyday for a few hours in the morning (since this is a designated nap time for Justin) and any other time I could fit in throughout the day. I will start an exercise regimen once I’m given the go ahead by the OB to start working out again. Most importantly, I will be patient with myself. I know I can figure this out, and it will take time so I need to be patient with the process.

Work at home professionals, what has worked for you? Fill in the schedule below:

 

2016

2016

Blog Priorities This Year: Reflect Personal Goals

1. Daily Bible Insights = Seeking God Daily

2. Random Thoughts Post = Sharing More

3. Personal Moments = Be more personal and present

4. Health updates = Healthier Lifestyle Pursuit

5. Writing & Singing = Be Diligent with Talents

Hello!

Hi everyone!

Happy Sunday (in EST, anyway).

Wanted to give you a brief update on things. First off, I thoroughly enjoyed that week off back in February. I was able to write, and in such a way that I was not rushed only steeped in it. I was able to be present with my family. We did such activities that were altogether as well as those that allowed me one-on-one time with my spouse and children individually. Its amazing to see how much of a self-esteem booster it is for a person to know that you are completely there with them. Actively listening to his/her thoughts, and patiently waiting as he/she processes their next thought. To not be rushed in being with a person is a gift. I encourage you all to please try to be present for each person you encounter. It can make a world of a difference.

This week further emphatically brought home the direction I feel God is leading me. That is to not be stretched thin across a lot of different focuses, but only to re-prioritize and solely focus on those most important. The priorities for me are God first, and deepening my spiritual walk with Him. Taking care of myself and my family. And using my time most wisely in accomplishing what God has called me to do, which is to sing and to write. All for His Glory!

Also, I’ve finally completed the About Me page for my blog. If you’re interested in learning a bit more about Stasie that’s the place to go!

Until our next encounter, be encouraged! We are all in this together…flaws and all!

Motivation

So…I have this week off. I’m not going anywhere. Our kids have this week off for winter break, and so instead of running into the common issue of scrambling to find child care for each day, I decided to avoid the stress and worry by taking vacation time from work. This never happens!!

I must say I’m excited. If I haven’t shared this before, for the last few months I’ve felt like God is leading me away from my current job. This occupation being the first and only job I’ve had since leaving college eight years ago. A job that has stretched me, stressed me, and has demanded more of me than I’d give myself or my family. It wants to be my top priority, my primary focus, above my health and that of my family. Clearly there was developing a conflict, and I finally realized I was at my limit when I first developed a persistent twitch and sleep-stealing anxiety. But I didn’t know what to do about it or how to fix it. Thankfully, my deepening relationship with Christ showed me I needed to re prioritize. If a job is asking you to neglect your health and well-being of your family, they are asking too much!

To me, this week is like a trial run in the lifestyle I’m trying to create. A lifestyle where I create my schedule, carving out hours each day to live a balanced life. This includes hours spent writing, not aimlessly but purposed with set deadlines, singing and vocal training, making time for exercising at minimum 2x a week, making and eating healthy meals, and most importantly spending time with my kids and husband being fully engaged in each encounter and not mentally cataloging what remains on my running to-do list. Sorry super long sentence, but you get my drift.

In an attempt to make the most of this time I plan to keep my 5am wake up schedule, since I tend to get a lot done in those early morning hours. As well as use the schematic below as a guideline to get and stay on track. I’ll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck! Also, please let me know of any creative productivity techniques that work for you. Thanks.